I suck at lots of stuff.
My mind contains a long list of things I don't know how to do. And just for fun, stuff I simply suck at. It's a quirky mental ledger of shortcomings written in the ink of gallons of impostor syndrome.
Shooting from the hip, here are a few things that come to mind when I think of my deficiencies in countless areas of my life:
- Crossfit: Ring muscle-ups kill me. I really should be able to deadlift more.
- Work: I fall prey too easily to organizational noise. There are about 138 new technologies that I haven't even looked at.
- Life: I suck at moderation; I'm pretty much either "on" or "off." I need to sleep better. I still need to get that pilot's license. I've got a few hundred ideas I've never built (or, worse yet, half-built).
I'd venture to guess that we all have a list of stuff like that in our heads. That snarling, sarcastic voice in our head that keeps screaming, "You're not as good as Johnny Quarterback McHotShot over there."
I can't tell you to ignore that voice, because it's not wrong...
Why would I tell you to listen to even a whisper of the words that have affected my personal life, my career, and even my relationship with myself? It's because I've learned to transform current feelings of inadequacy into excitement for a future not yet born.
It starts with realizing what that internal monologue is saying and why: That voice is just pointing out the gaps in your game.
Face the fact that in some areas, you're just not as good. Acceptance is the first step to improvement.
Some will say that "comparison is the thief of joy." I guess that's somewhat true. I mean, it probably sounds nice on a rustic farmhouse-style sign you can get on Etsy. Realize, though, we only compare ourselves to others or against a reality we don't yet have in the parts of our lives that we actually care about.
That's an important distinction to keep in mind because giving a shit about something is a prerequisite for an getting better at that thing.
Good news: if you care and you're still breathing, that means you can do something about it.
It just takes one simple word to turn your perceived deficiencies into rocket fuel...
That word is "yet."
It's a word you should be familiar with, as most of us used it every 15 minutes, looking for a bit of hope amidst the boredom as we aimlessly stared out the window in the back of the family minivan...
A Roadtrip
Hopefully you got to go on a few road trips with your family when you were a kid. I'm talking those monotonous 3 or 4 pee-stop drives that lasted forever. For many of us, these trips were taken without GPS, phones, or anything that brought us joy in any fashion.
You'd sit there staring out the window at the beauty and splendor of Central Nebraska and just wonder when this slow descent into the depths of insanity would culminate. Out of sheer desperation, you'd look for any sign of hope by asking your Dad a simple question.
ARE WE THERE YET?!
Funny, isn't it? As a child, you had an unwavering belief that while you weren't at the destination at this very moment, you'd eventually arrive...provided your Dad had enough Mountain Dew and sunflower seeds for the remainder of the trip.
Your inquiry was when, not if.
You never doubted that you'd get there, as Dad was a capable driver, and that minivan was a peak 1990s American engineering.
You never questioned how you'd get there. The map was frequently referenced and meticulously highlighted with your route.
You never questioned why you were going because you knew that the splendor of the Colorado mountains awaited your gaze.
However, you did know one thing for sure...
You weren't there...yet.
At times it felt like the journey was going to take the rest of your natural-born life. You'd never get there. The dotted line between Point A and Point B was simply too great a challenge. Yet, time after time, you arrived. You traversed great distances by continually putting smaller distances behind you. The enormity of the endeavor did not stop you from crossing the chasm, one bit at a time...
The Made-Up Chasm in Our Minds
We often see our deficiencies or lack of skills as a giant chasm that's impossible to cross, so we turn back, never to realize the amazing reality that may be on the other side. Alternatively, if we see that same deep gorge with a bridge across it, we know that someone has been to the other side, and suddenly, the crevice in the Earth becomes a bit less daunting...a bit less impossible.
There's an actual term for the challenging space between what we can do now and what we can't do yet.
It's called "the zone of proximal development."
It's an uncomfortable place to be for sure. As humans, we thrive on the perception that we know what we're doing, so to take the first steps into uncertainty can be horrendously challenging. But take those first steps we must. Because to get through this zone, you need to admit where you are, where you need help, and what the goal on the other side is.
Crossing this rubicon often requires help from others, and if you can't name it, you can't claim it.
To get that promotion, land that deal, or just become a better version of yourself, you need to lean into the discomfort.
You don't need to figure out a way to cross the entirety of the Grand Canyon everyday. You just need to intentionally choose to step over a few small holes in the sidewalk today.
Those small daily gains will add up, compound, and get you to a destination your mind would never thought possible.
But, it will take action.
Time for Action
Right this moment, get a sheet of paper out, and write down ten things you don't know how to do, but would love to. Seriously, go do it. I'll wait. The first step to any good road trip is to pick the destination first.
On a vacation, you know that you can't go to ten places at the same time, you have to choose. So, order the list by importance and look at the first item. You're going to attack this first item, and when you get there, I want you to revisit that list and pick the next one. But, you're only focus is on one thing right now.
Since you know where you want to go, you can work backward and figure out the steps to get there. And, just like those directions on a road trip, make sure you're referencing the map frequently, because life will try to get you off course. Put the goals and the steps somewhere that you see them everyday.
Picking a destination is usually pretty easy and exciting. But you don't finish a journey by thinking about it, you have to get off your ass and get out there.
The easy part is over with, and all that's left is the growth that only discomfort can provide. The rough spot where most people cave is precisely the place where you need to dig in even more.
It's called the hard part for a reason...
- It will be hard taking the initial action. Just start. Don't hesitate.
- It will be hard making a few sacrifices. Delete Facebook. Stop drinking.
- It will be hard to not doubt yourself. Trust that you can do anything. No one starts off as an expert.
- It will be hard not giving up. The grind will be tiresome at times. But, you are not a quitter.
It's going to be a dynamic journey from where you are now to where you can be soon. It won't be easy. But if you channel that inner child sitting in the back of the minivan on the road trip, you'll realize that you already have the tools to keep you in the game.
You know you want to get there.
You know you have to get there.
You know you will get there.
You're just not there...yet.
